This article was originally published in the Spring 2014 issue of Choices Magazine. To view the published format, please click here.
I should on my self all the time. Yup, it’s a long term issue I have been dealing with most of my life. I sometimes feel I’m up to my knees in should’s, I even reek of should’s, no one wants to be around me when I smell of should. So why do I keep doing should’s??? Maybe, “Why?” is the wrong question to ask…
The very aspect of asking, “Why?” automatically assumes a failure occurred. Granted, it may not fall in the category of something wrong or epic failure, but when you ask “Why?” it implies something could (or should) have been done better. We should be asking “How?” How do we want to feel, be, or act? How do we want to show up in our lives? How can we see it in another light? See? “How” is empowering, “why”, well it seems a bit victimy. If you sense you aren’t doing it ‘right’ you are asking the wrong question, especially if you want a happier life.
Do you sometimes look at your life and think you ‘should’ be doing it better, bigger, or wiser? Spending a lot of time in that thought process doesn’t propel you forward. In fact, when you are in “I should” you are not even present in today; you are projecting into a future that has yet to even present itself. The truth is, if we really wanted to be as, “we should be” right now, we would have already done and been it, we would be in ‘it’ right now because that is what we would have been focused on. Realize that if you want something you get it because you set up your life in a direction that propels you towards it. You think of it all the time acting in accordance with a thought, noticing and feeling the vibration that comes with that outcome. By asking, “Why am I not (or should be)” a certain way is out of the flow and actually a state of lack. Nothing arrives by accident, we create it with our thoughts, conscious or not, and our thoughts become things. If we want to create the thought, asking “Why its not there?” is not as productive as asking, “How do I get it?” “How” opens us up to seeing potentials and opportunities that we might miss if we were in a lack mentality.
Can, “Why?” be a good question? Yes, when it is not being used to hold you back. If you find you are shoulding all over yourself bemoaning, “Why is my life not as I intellectually think it should be?” you are in the wrong question! Start asking “How?” Start with “How would I like it to feel?” “How would it look to wake up in that experience?” “How would it empower me to emulate that desire?” This energetically will get you to your desire and position faster than beating yourself up with a “Why?”
I’m going to make a habit of every time I should on myself I turn it to a “How?” “How do I want to feel in this moment?” “How do I want it to look in my perfect world?” “How do I imagine it with no other worries or concerns?” That is a whole lot more fun than stepping into a pile of should’s! How will you do it? Join me in celebrating a better, happier you by asking “How!” and leaving the “Why?” behind!