Commitment. Now that’s a word that can change a relationship! Just what is it and is it valid? To expect it, embrace it, or have it in your life? Last night I had a conversation with a friend and he got very upset over my use of that word. It got me thinking, just what does commitment actually mean?
According to the World English Dictionary, commitment (noun), is defined as:
- The act of committing or pledging,
- The state of being committed or pledged,
- An obligation, promise, etc. that restricts one’s freedom of action,
- The referral of a bill to a committee or legislature,
- Commission or perpetration, especially of a crime,
- A future financial obligation or contingent liability.
None of these seem to say happily ever after in a relationship! Maybe he had a point. He said that he wanted someone in a relationship that was choosing it daily, not simply in a commitment. I agree with him, especially after defining the word. Do I really want someone ‘committed’ to me at the loss of his or her own freedom?
We (mostly I’m thinking of women but it could be both men and women) want a commitment because we believe that we will be ‘safe’. The thing is, I realized I used the word commitment to actually get out of accepting my own actions and that’s not safe. I blamed the lack of commitment on them rather than realizing it was just a way for me to avoid my own truth. See, if I really wanted commitment, I had to be willing to be in one myself and do everything it takes to make it happen and the relationship work. I was blaming it on their lack of commitment when it was actually mine.
Turns out I’m not even sure I want a commitment… Like my friend, I realize that what I truly want is a relationship that is more fluid and real. The real commitment that we stand in our truth and be real with our feelings, regardless of the risks to our hearts. It may or may not work out with my friend, time will tell. What I do know is that I need to have faith that whatever direction I travel I will find happiness along the way, not just a commitment. Thanks for reminder!
Wisdom from a Firegal…
Gina Geldbach-Hall, Owner
Firegal Enterprises, LLC